PROCASTINATOR! ;?

Many a times, i have put off so many tasks, duties and work that has led to many detrimental consequences. The most recent one made me feel like kicking myself real hard- not a first time feeling tho. 

I was finishing up a class for a graduating batch. I had taught some of them for 2years and i was really fond of this group. I had been cracking my head over what to get for them as farewell gifts. Thank goodness for a last min inspiration, saw those cutie pencils  and decided to get them bubbles bottle to enjoy the last of their innocent days before they move on to the next exciting phase in life. 

But as usual and unsurprising- the decision remained a decision and not translated to action ;// That afternoon i had a meeting earlier and nearly forgot that i had brought forward the time of my class. Hence big rush to get there sans the gifts :((

I also ended early cos i had finished whatever i needed to cover. And at the end, was it my imagination- but i thot they looked at me expectantly and i felt so so so bad!!!! Will this stop my horrible habit of procastinating??? 

How does one kick that horrendous habit? I just hope i wont ever have to pay a heavy price for it ;((

Will I end up insane?

The most recent cause for worry has been the striking similiarities between me and the mother. You know what they say about wondering how the woman u gonna marry will look like, just see her mother. Not only do the appearance worry me but the health and mental condition.


The mother has history of mental illness- exact diagnosis escape me. But when i hear father complain of her, i hear my bad habits. And apparently during their recent quarrel, she had reacted the same way i had during a recent confrontation with the spouse ;//


So i do have a valid reason to be afraid that i will lose my sanity one day...

As it is, I have always lamented that I have inherited all the negative genes from the parents. Truly, all their positive habits and talents are beyond me. And with the increasing similarities between me and the mother, I wonder if I can overcome my own personal demons. 

Burst Bubble (BB) 1

There are many burst bubbles in my life- some major and most minor. Some add to my stagnating list of regrets. I wont be ambitious to say that I dun want any regrets when I die. I believe it is more realistic to say that I want to reduce the regrets as much as possible. But there is one MAJOR regret, for which i really wish i can turn back time- Not applying to the university :(((

Hope u noticed that i did not say, not making it but not applying. Yup, another classic example of stupidity by a so-called intelligent person. My entrance grades were not spectacular but they were definitely minimal enough to get in. But some stupid, totally baseless excuse of a pride stopped me from even filling up the application. And i always wonder what and how my life would have turned out if I had gotten my degree. 

The financial and academic implications are not as emphatic as my social life- would have i married the person i did? Would i even have married at all? What kind of career would i have chosen?

Those were the questions bugging me all these years but now that i am considering a career switch- I feel so handicapped without a degree. It seems that all my capabilities and talent count for nought without that piece of paper!

But i havent given up on my dream to  become a graduate. I will, ONE day! Or is it going to be another bubble burst/ dream unfulfilled til my death??? Stay tuned....

Why I want to whine

K, its time to release my pals from bearing the brunt of my lamenting and self-inflicted problems. Hence my decision to start a blog when previously i had vowed to be virtually anonymous ;p I guess i can still maintain the anonymity as long as I dun reveal my particulars rite....We'll see how it goes...

Definitely need an outlet to release my frustrations and vent my disappointment with self- and who else but the victims of the WWW, are perfect audience (at least that what I think ;) I need to get these negative elements outta my system before I turn suicidal (that i mean very seriously :((

So do not expect anything inspiring or new to to learn, the usual reasons why u'd look up a blog. If u are really bored to death and need to know another being who is more pitiful than u are, then maybe u have come to rite blog (i suppose :) But of course, some of u may think I have it better than most. True to certain extent- but thats very subjective, dun u agree? 

Now u know why this blog exists and maybe even the reason for the title and the URL... Soon, i will get started about the various episodes that have and are bugging me....